Monday, June 26, 2017

Today is day 84

My goal date of July 5th is approaching quickly.

To be honest with you, the last month or so hasn't been as productive as the first two. Whether I just got too comfortable or lazy or my willpower has waned....whatever the case, fat loss has definitely stalled.

I've hit the dreaded plateau!

And it could be that I have "cheated" a lot more than I did in the beginning. It could be that I've gone above my 1500 calorie limit or that 1500 is too high for fat loss now that I've lost. Or it could be that what was once working, workout wise, is not cutting it anymore. I haven't really gone back to analyze my book. But I'm going to go with my gut instinct and just chalk it up to getting too comfortable and slacking a bit more than I should. After all, in the beginning, she did tell me that I had VERY LITTLE wiggle room. I've been too wiggly :)

I am trying not to beat myself up over it because the 10lb fat loss goal was just a number. I have said before that I am going for a "look" that I have in my own mind for what I want to achieve and also it would be nice to fit into this pair of jeans that I love in my closet :) I assumed a loss of 10 pounds of pure fat might get me there.

And I was making such stellar progress in the first 6 weeks or so that I was certain I would get there early and maybe even make the 15lb mark.

I have to keep reminding myself that the number on the scale is not a reflection of anything except our relation to gravity. That even if I lost 10lbs or even 15lbs of fat, I might not even be at the "look" that I am really after. What then?? Keep going?? I can't imagine losing more than 15lbs of fat. But I don't know what it will take.

Really I had two main goals with this process:
1) to lose the fat I had gained so I could feel good about myself again
2) to work hard before summer to get to #1 so that I could relax and enjoy the summer. Maintaining is the easy part!

Well, July is soon here and I plan on easing up a bit. I'm not going to be writing everything I eat in my book anymore. I'm going to eat what I want (within reason, of course) and have wine on my patio in the evening without having to calculate whether or not I still have room for it in my macros. I want to ENJOY life!

And it will always (probably) cycle like this. I will work hard for a few months so I can play hard. And I guess I'm ok with that! The cycles may be different lengths and come at different times, but that is what makes it interesting and unexpected.

I've made GREAT progress doing what I'm doing and I am super PROUD of myself for actually doing what I've been wanting to do for years. I have gained muscle and notice definition again! I was so unhappy when I couldn't see that definition in my arms - I'm very glad to have it back! So I have to ease up and not be so hard on myself all the time. I want to look good and I want to be vibrant and energetic and healthy and confident. Most of all, I want to be happy. I think that's all any of us really want. So I am taking steps to create happiness for myself. This is a journey. There is no finish line. Fitness/wellness/nutrition/etc will always be a part of my life so I should not stress about a number on a scale or on a tag on a pair of jeans in my closet. I want to focus on being the best person I can be INSIDE AND OUT and inspire others to do the same.

Look, I'm human. I like to share about my achievements, but I'm also not afraid to show my failures. I typed about them for literally YEARS on my previous fitness blog, FitMe. LOL

I don't want anyone to feel bad about anything I post. The purpose is not to brag about accomplishments, or seek pity for my failures - it's a diary. It's purpose is to document the journey. And if I hit on something that works for me, maybe it will work for someone else!!

I am still planning on posting my very first assessment alongside my very last at my last weigh in next Tuesday. I don't plan on weighing tomorrow because unfortunately I know that based on my diet last week and the way my "goal jeans" fit, there will be no improvement. But I have 9 whole days left to be on my best behavior and really kill it for my last weigh in. (and the 4th of July is in there right before - oh joy! lol) But life happens and we gotta push through the difficult times and stay strong. I'm going to fight to get every little ounce of fat I can off these thighs before my goal date. And when it's over, I hope to feel a sense of relief and accomplishment and pride for all the dedication, hard work, and the challenge I went through to better myself.

See you next week!!

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